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What makes something rape isn't being held down in a given way, or being called a "dirty slut ," or a given sexual activity happening: what makes something rape is when one person does something sexual to another person which that other does not want.

You're expressing wanting this, so you aren't talking about rape. In other words, I think it's off-base to classify what you are describing as a rape fantasy, even though I know it commonly is called that in our culture.

But you know, our culture is pretty messed-up about rape, and has a very bad habit of conflating or confusing rape with sex.

It isn't rape or anything even resembling rape when we have safewords, when we are asking someone to do something sexual to us based on our wants and likes.

I'm nitpicky about this because as a survivor myself and as an advocate for other rape survivors, I feel it's critical not to confuse what rape is, or confuse "rape" fantasy with fantasizing about bottoming or BDSM sex, which seems to be what you're talking about.

You're talking about wanting a certain kind of consensual sex, which you can stop at any time, based on your wants and needs: that isn't rape, nor does that have anything to do with rape.

Really, if we lived in a better world, there wouldn't even be anything about rape at sex education sites, because it just has nothing to do with sex.

The only reason we discuss it here is that so many of us have been raped, and it can have some big effects on our sexuality, because so many people confuse rape with sex, because rape creates some sexual health issues, and because rape is so prevalent and widespread that anywhere we can talk about it, we will, in the hopes than we can help eradicate it.

Some people do report having what sounds more like rape fantasy -- where they do NOT have any control over who does this to them, have no say in what happens throughout, and are in severe emotional distress -- but from what we know, that's quite rare.

I'm also nitpicky about this because we want to be careful classing any kind of sex which everyone is consenting to and enjoying as rape.

I'm not saying any of this to make you feel ashamed: there's never any reason to feel ashamed about sexual fantasy or seeking to enact them consensually.

It's just a slippery issue in terms of what we call things, how rape is viewed, and where the line really is between rape and sex, which is an important line for everyone to keep in mind.

Once full consent of everyone involved is in place, it's sex, not rape. Sep 13, I innocently assumed that all of that work to remain chaste would pay off with a hot, passionate sex life after we had finally said "I ….

By Lauren Meeks. Advertisement - Continue Reading Below. Aug 28, One writer traveled the world to talk to women and find out. By Jo Piazza.

Aug 18, By Nicole Karlis. Aug 14, And why it's more important to be having these discussions than ever. Aug 8, By Elizabeth Weiss.

Aug 4, Aug 3, As told to Erin Zammett Ruddy. Respectful, obedient mature and loyal gentlemen are required to apply to enter MY world.

My specialities include:. I am offering sessions, either in —house or on line and training in various aspects of lifestyle modification and domestic service.

Male chastity control and key-holding and long term submission and obedience are all possible.

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As with any other kind of sex, too, but particularly with something which may or will press against the edges of anyone's boundaries, the more specific you can both get about what you are and are not okay with in advance, the better.

For instance, you say you want a safeword for if this gets "too rough," so it's also a good idea to talk in advance about what you think or know might be too rough, so your partner doesn't go there at all.

Just be aware that he may or may not want to engage in this, and remember that just like many people may not want to enact this kind of sex from the bottom, plenty of people won't want to do it from the top, either.

Even though this really isn't about rape, not everyone wants to roleplay being someone forcing -- even when it's not for real -- another person into sex.

It might bother him -- or he just may not find it sexy -- to act that way or have someone see him that way, even in a consensual, negotiated scenario.

Hopefully, you're in a sexual relationship where your partners cares about you enough, and is sensitive enough where you shouldn't have to ever worry about just bringing up a fantasy, even if it's one he doesn't want to participate in.

We shouldn't even have to worry about being ridiculed or mistreated by a partner for discussing our desires, even when they aren't the same as our partner's or when those desires are unusual.

If you don't feel like you have that kind of relationship with your partner, no matter what it is you want, we'd always advise that you choose only sexual partners -- for anything -- who you know treat you and your sexuality with care and sensitivity.

Skip to main content. Rape fantasy or domination and submission desires? I am 24 and a sexually active woman.

I have a fantasy that I have told no one about because its embarassing. I keep having fantasies about being held down and forced to have sex.

It really turns me on too. Mistress Parker has been a professional Dominant for over 15 years with a wide experience of all form of BDSM play and activities for both men and women.

She has experience in long term slavery and chastity for the submissive male. More recently she has introduced the use of erotic hypnosis to enhance submission in those men who desire this and consent.

Respectful, obedient mature and loyal gentlemen are required to apply to enter MY world. During vanilla sex it probably wasnt an issue…. My immediate answer was to practice on a female manikin — but then, how easy is it to get hold of one?

Nevertheless, my point? That time for reflection as well as deeper connection. Sex used as an ultimatum to get what one wants.

In the context of the post, the author was referring primarily to women weaponizing sex, historically going back throughout history within a Patriarchal society.

There are eighths that make up the fourths AND the whole. Make sense? Otherwise, the whole sooner or later collapses.

Nonetheless, I liked when she was blindfolded because it sort of set me free to play without being observed, judged or evaluated mostly by myself.

I think the blindfold sort of closed our eyes to who we were and allowed us to play. The blindfold allows that element of anonymity and provides you with the security of not having all eyes on you, so to speak….

Great read, and best of all it works. So tonight I decided to focus. Her manicure is fresh, and I know she loves when I appreciate it, so with every new position she took, I made sure to direct her hands to be where I could appreciate her nails.

Whether she realized it or not, the effect was clear. She went deeper into subspace and had more orgasms than any other short scene we have done in a long time.

Thanks for the great advice! Thank you for the feedback regarding your personal experience. Looking back at my journey I would say that most of my actions throughout our vanilla relationship have been close to desired but without doubt it is the finer details that have the most dramatic effects.

Truly had no idea this was required in my relationship… that having a sub as a wife requires more direction and leadership….

Rather it is the directions and control of the Dom that allows my sub wife to actually let go and fall into what she really wants and needs.

And yet at the same time I remember being frustrated because I wanted to say more, demand more, but was afraid to do so. Ignorance is certainly not bliss.

Excellent information and insight! Another great post. I would put this in your top 10 blogs for sure.

Something every new Dom should read. Communication is vital to any successful relationship. This was a good read for someone like myself as well as the new husdom.

This is the first time i have read this. What a great read it was. Very direct and clear information. This is most helpful.

Thank you Mr Fox. Fox, Thank you for the well thought out article. I found your site a few days ago and found your marriage situation very familiar.

It is my pleasure sir. You will find that my personal situation has resonated with most of the members here in one way or another.

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